Not me! Not technically, anyway. We are adopting a baby. That’s kind of a big deal and I haven’t really talked about it publicly before now. You know those things that are so special you just need to keep it to yourself for awhile? This is mine. But I’m excited and nervous and terrified and impatient and that, I bet you can relate to.
I’ll share the details of our story and about our agency in a future post, but here’s the cliff notes:
We’ve wanted to adopt for years and always planned to adopt a toddler. We knew we needed to keep birth order, so we envisioned the child being younger than Brynna (who’s 5) but not by much. My motto up to now has been that any future children would come to us potty trained with teeth.
Don’t you love when your plans are the exact opposite of God’s plans? Yeah, me neither.
Through the course of a journey I’ll explain more later, we began the adoption process about 9 months ago with a ministry that places children born from an unplanned pregnancy. Regina translation: newborn babies. As in the “not potty trained with teeth” variety. As in, the kind that need all the baby equipment and necessities I sold in that yard sale 3 years ago.
I woke up at 3am today convinced that I need to go buy a stroller today because what if we got the call tomorrow? But that thought was immediately followed by “what if the call doesn’t come for another year and this stroller is obsolete and then I wasted money and have to buy another stroller?” All of these thoughts led to plans of moving the guest room to the empty room so the baby could have the room with the bigger closet. And that, of course, led to “where am I going to put all the stuff in that closet – because it’s a lot of stuff?!”
Is your heart starting to beat fast? Is it warm in here?
Let me take a breath and clarify – I am 100% sure that this is what we’re supposed to do. I am 100% ready to be the mom our new baby needs. I am also nervous, scared, not ready and can’t wait all at once.
That kind of sums up motherhood in general, huh? Being 100% certain of your love and willingness to do whatever it takes while simultaneously freaking out on the inside as you feel so much less than adequate.
I’ve calmed down (sort of) and don’t plan to go on a baby-stuff buying frenzy today. But I still feel all those things. I’m still nervous and kind of unsure of what I’ve gotten myself into. I’m still going over all the things in my mind that will change. I’m cataloguing all the things I thought we were past (diapers, pacifiers, bumbos, strollers, onsies…) and wondering how on earth I’ll start all over.
But don’t you love when God’s plans become your plans and even in the midst of being scared you’re 100% sure you’ll do whatever it takes? Yeah, me too. That kind of sums up motherhood in general…