As I checked out at the grocery store today, Brynna yelled at passers-by in a language all her own. This elicited both smiles at the cute little girl, frowns at the child yelling what could be obscenities but no one knew because it was a made up language and general confusion. I quietly said, “BG, please stop. Not only is it disrespectful, but my head is about to explode.” The cashier laughed and said, “Is she your only one?” As per usual at that question, I smiled and said yes. For the record, here’s what I said in my head…
Is she the only person who wakes me up in the middle of the night by creepily crawling into my room and tapping on my forehead?
Is she the only person who lost my keys on a random bookshelf at the library today while playing “Sneaky Spy?”
Is she the only person who found a stuffed elephant at the library and used his trunk as a sword to fight bad guys while other children sat quietly on their mother’s laps and read cute stories about bunnies and roses?
Is she the only person who swung on the handle of the shopping cart at Home Depot like a monkey at the zoo?
Is she the only person who climbed into the windowsill at lunch and announced that she’d be eating “in her tower?”
Is she the only person who insisted on driving the shopping cart shaped like a car at the grocery store, requiring me to push something the size of a Cadillac through the aisles?
Is she the only person that while driving the aforementioned shopping “car” shouted throughout the produce section, “Watch out. Out of the way. I’m coming through!”?
Is she the only person that yelled in the frozen food aisle, “Mom, can I Puh-Leeeease take my skirt off now?”
Is she the only person who pulled items off the shelf and tried to scan them with the gun, requiring that I always have one eye on her so as not to pay an additional $75 in groceries that we don’t need and didn’t actually purchase?
Is she the only person who laid perpendicular across the shopping “car” kicking and screaming, “I want a Barbie!”?
No, Mr. Grocery Man, I don’t have 4 other kids. Yes, she is my “only one.” And she’s plenty, thank you very much.