Operation Not a Bum: Day Three

September 29, 2009

I got to the gym today feeling all good about myself. I wasn’t just on time, I was a few minutes early. AND…I rectified a problem that’s been plaguing me. For the past two weeks, this has been the routine – carry Brynna in to childcare, work out, limp to childcare to pick up Brynna, shuffle to the car carrying 20 extra lbs with sore muscles. It’s really not a good set-up. That walk to the car should be included in the class. I should do a few less reps to ensure I can get my kid to the car safely. (No, I have not suggested this to Beth. No, I don’t plan on it.) What I did do is put that college education my parents paid for to good use. Today Brynna rolled into childcare in her stroller! And afterwards, she rolled right on out to the car. This serves two purposes – she’s not at risk of me dropping her when I fall to the pavement from weak legs and I have a walker.

Today started like any other day of Fit Moms torture – with cardio. My doctor has suggested I do low impact (we are not getting into the whys…just trust me. They do not tell you the after effects of birthing a child. RUDE!), so I have been doing my cardio on the bicycle. In an attempt to prove how big and bad I am, I moved to the eliptical without prompting. This time when Beth got back and asked if I was sweating, she laughed and said “obviously.” I seriously think she finds joy in my pain. The most interesting part of my cardio time was the girl in the yellow shorts. I first noticed her because she had on yellow shorts. I second noticed that she was hauling butt on the treadmill! After about 15 minutes on the treadmill, she came to join me on the eliptical. And I panted to myself, “Why would someone do that?!” Why subject yourself to two forms of cardiac arrest? As I ended my time, though, she defied all laws of reason and moved to the bike. I think those yellow shorts have gone to her brain.

Now, I was ready for Beth today. I said my prayers, did my stretches. I was thinking, bring on the lunges! Until…she handed me 12.5 lb weights! And then we went the LENGTH of the gym. That’s a basketball court, folks! As we walked, I informed Beth of her fame on my blog. I felt it necessary to add some humor. If this is where I’m going to die, I say make it colorful. I also tried to sell my weights to a man who walked past on the way to the bathroom. Beth decided walking alongside me was best after that.

After lunges came the most vile form of persecution yet. Beth lined us up and ensured we were standing in a plie (that’s plee-A for the pronunciation-challenged. It’s a ballet term for squat with your toes and knees pointed out.). She then walked right up to me and without smiling at all, handed me a 20 lb dumbbell. I thought maybe we were working a chain-gang system, so I turned to hand it to the girl next to me. Surely this was not intended for me, I thought. But the girl next to me had a weight. We then proceeded to do squats. Lots of them! I was looking so hard for that elastic band from last week. I would have fashioned one out of my hair, the cord to my ipod, ANYTHING to stop squatting.

After the squats, I don’t remember much. I think I may have blacked out. I considered throwing up, but I was afraid I’d be responsible to make up what I missed and I didn’t want to prolong the pain. I know we did more cable rows and incline flys. I vaguely remember something about working the deltoid muscle, although I’m not sure where that’s located. In my mind, I had gone to Oak Cliff and was sitting at my favorite sno cone stand.

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  • Janay September 29, 2009 at 10:49 pm


    I can’t even type for laughing so hard. Of course I’m reading this while sitting on my butt on my couch, so the joke will be on me when you’re going a size down and I’m going a size up. But for now, it is funny. HEE HEE HEE.

  • Vikki October 1, 2009 at 5:02 pm

    Lolololol…my kids are trying to nap and I am trying not to wake them with my laughter! I have got to meet this woman of torture. Not that I would subject myself to that type of pain…I prefer the plumpness rather than death!