Operation Not a Bum

November 16, 2009

It’s like I can see the future. It happened just as I predicted. I went to class today after missing 3 weeks in a row and almost died. Seriously. Right there in the YMCA gym. Near-dead. Me.

You’d think my voice that still sounds like a lounge singer with emphysema would have clued Beth in. You’d think she would suggest I take it easy today since I’ve been out so long. Well, YOU may not think those things, but I did. I hoped. I was wrong. Since it was cold and windy outside, Beth decided we’d all do cardio together in the gym. So we ran laps until I felt my lungs were going to swell out of my chest. Then we walked laps. We had barely ended the last lap when Beth told us to line up. I felt my stomach drop and sure enough, she started calling for sprints. To the black line and back. To the next line and back. To the end and back. One girl huffed between breaths, “She must think we’re a basketball team,” to which Beth replied, “sure.” (I don’t even know what that means!)

I thought the sprints were coming to an end when she told us to pick up weights. We went down and back doing walking lunges. My legs felt a bit like noodles, but I was at least not breathing as hard, which was helping the smoker’s cough. Oh, but wait. Just as we approached the end of the lunges, she said, and I quote: “When you reach the black line, drop your weights and sprint to the other end.” Seriously. I’ve used a thesaurus. I’m running out of synonyms for “human torture.” We did this a few more times and then to top me off, we did the awful, dreaded, infamous abduction bands. At this point, I started telling funny stories. I thought maybe if I got everyone laughing, it wouldn’t hurt as bad. No luck there.

We finally moved into the gym for what Beth called “Ab Blast.” We did abdominal work for the next 30 minutes, which my waistline needed but after all the hacking and coughing, didn’t help my stomach much. And I’m still not sure how push ups are included in an ab workout, but those were thrown in as well. We ended with some pilates and stretching. I may have napped during this section. I for sure yawned a lot.

So here is the take-away for today:
1. If working out is hard when you’re healthy, it is downright unadvisable when you can barely breathe.
2. Beth asked if I have lost weight. I responded, “I hope so. I’m not here because I like it.” Darn. That means this craziness is helping and I have to keep doing it. Blah!

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