Before you ask…no, nothing has changed. No movement or new information. I don’t actually know he’s a “he.” We are still in the midst of the very long waiting period known as adoption. Our baby could very well be a girl, and Brynna is very quick to correct and remind you she wants a baby sister. But when I pray, he’s a boy.
We are not adopting through a full service adoption agency. We are adopting through Loving Alternative (a ministry of Living Alternatives) – a ministry for women in the midst of unplanned pregnancies. They offer parenting classes, run a pregnancy center, and provide housing at a maternity home. Their goal is to meet each woman where she is. If she chooses to parent her child, they give her the tools to do so to the best of her ability. If she chooses to place her child, they have families who have chosen to adopt. In most adoption situations, it’s about you and the child you’ll eventually call your own. In our scenario, there’s a third party so often overlooked. HER story is OUR story. This story, this journey is not about me (us).
When you’re waiting for a child, that’s a hard pill to swallow. When you have to answer a 5 year old who asks daily when we get to meet the baby, that’s tough. But doing things God’s way is rarely easy. It always ends better than you could have done yourself, but it always requires you to stretch more than you thought you were able. We are stretching, and it hurts. But it reminds me how much I want my son (or daughter) to know…
I want him to know we chose him.
I want him to know that we could have had another baby naturally but God wanted us to have HIM.
I want him to know that his birth mom has courage.
I want him to know that the decision she made is one that millions of women choose every day not to make because it costs so dearly.
I want him to know that she chose to hurt so he didn’t have to.
I want him to know how the waiting made my love grow.
I want him to know that his big sister has loved him long before he was born.
I want him to know she asks about him every day and draws him in every picture of our family.
I want him to know that his daddy trusts God more than himself.
I want him to know that we got a sum of money that would have been a perfectly comfortable pile of savings, but when God said “give,” his daddy gave. All of it. (And once he learns how his daddy thinks in numbers, he’ll know what a big deal that is.)
I want him to know he is brave because his birth mom is brave.
I want him to know he is strong because I am strong.
I want him to know he is full of life because his sister is full of life.
I want him to know he is faithful because his dad is faithful.
I want him to know he is loved because God loves him.
I want him to know all this right now. I want to know HIM. (Right now. Did I mention that?) But more than anything else, I want him to know Jesus. And I’ll wait as long as I need to so his story looks exactly the way God wants it to.
I want him to know that’s how much I love him.