Excessive Bumper Stickers. I get that you are opposed to animal cruelty, you like Metallica, you don’t like Ford (although I’m not sure why you want to urinate about it), your boss is a Jewish carpenter, you cheer for Virginia Tech and you support your troops. Unfortunately, as I am forced to sit behind you at the stop light, I feel like you are screaming at me. Tone it down. You can like/dislike what you will. You don’t have to ruin a perfectly good automobile over it.
Caffeine-free soda. What’s the point?
How Brynna can have this much energy. Seriously. Is she doing crack when my head is turned? Did someone spike her sippy cup?
“I have children” stickers. This includes but is not limited to “Baby On Board,” children’s names on footballs, soccer balls, pom pons, etc. and the little stick-figure families that span the back window. From a 60 second traffic light, I now know your daughter is named Heather, plays soccer has two older brothers and goes to XYZ Elementary School. How is that safe? And aside from the morbid possibility of kidnapping thoughts, why is it necessary?
Why hymns must be sung in an unreachable soprano octave
Church advertisements on Christian radio stations
People who cry at the sight of a celebrity
Facebook profile pictures of people other than you. You know, since it’s supposed to be a profile. Of you.
Please note: These are intended for humorous use only and should not cause offense. If you currently have a bumper sticker, advertise on Christian radio or have a picture of your kid as your profile picture, feel free to carry on with your regularly scheduled life.