Today has been a test. I knew when we started that it was going to be one of those days when Brynna pushes me extra hard. She’s tired and she misses her daddy. Even more than usual, she needs to know she can trust who’s in charge.
We are not so different than my strong-willed girl, you know. On the days we are tired, hungry, lonely or angry, we try God more. We give him the stiff arm. We question Him, blame Him and ignore Him. Instead of running to Him, our adversity often makes us pull away from Him.
Although they exhaust me, I welcome these days. I trust that on these days even more than the rest, Brynna knows I love her. When I don’t let her get away with disobedience, I am assuring her that I’ve got her. When I enforce the rules, I teach her that some things are absolute. When I discipline her, I show her that even in the hard times, I am strong enough for her to lean on. I won’t get too tired, too far away or too anything not to be her source of safety.
It must break God’s heart when we hurt and instead of pouring out our pain and letting Him comfort us, we turn into a corner alone. We go to friends and lament our situation instead of going to the One who can CHANGE our situation. It’s the bad days especially that He longs to assure us He’s got us, some things are absolute; He’s strong enough to lean on.
I have started talking to Brynna about our showdowns. In the midst of the arguing and crying, I tell her what’s going on that’s unseen. “I know you are upset, baby girl, but I love you too much to let you be disrespectful.” “It makes me sad that you are choosing to sit in Time Out, but you need to know there’s a boundary.” “You can push. I’ll keep standing firm. Push as long as you need to.” (That one is usually followed by “Like Lionel Richie, baby, I can do this all night long if we need to.”)
God does the same. He wants us to know how much He loves us, so He asks us to trust Him with what we find most precious – our money. He tells us to bring the whole tithe (10% of our income) to Him. (By the way, the “whole tithe” means the WHOLE tithe. Very confusing, I know.) He begs us to trust Him. He says, “Don’t believe me? Test me and see if I won’t throw open the floodgates to bless you. I’ve got more for you than you can imagine. I’ll bless you with more than you can hold.”
I want more than anything for Brynna to know she’s safe, secure and loved. I want her to know she can trust me. I welcome her testing me because that’s how she’ll know. And I know at the end of the test, I’ve got more blessing, hugs and kisses than she can imagine. I get to shower her with more than her little mind can imagine.
God’s not afraid of your questions. He’s not dodging your doubts. He knows how hard it is to open your hands and let go of that money you think is your only source of security. He welcomes you testing Him because that’s how you’ll know. And He knows that at the end, He’s got more to shower you with than your little mind can imagine.
So, to my baby girl, I say, “You won’t know until you test me. Go ahead. I can handle it. I am enough for what you need.”
To you, God says, “You won’t know until you test me. Go ahead. I can handle it. I am MORE THAN ENOUGH for all you’ll ever need.”